This morning has been cloudy in my head. I don’t feel quite sad, or depressed. I’m not really sure how to describe it- I guess I would say, disinterested… apathetic maybe. Melancholy?
I know that I should appreciate the present moment, but I just cant get over the feeling that I would much rather be somewhere else right now.
I am dreaming of spreading out in the grass, bare legged under the sun.
I guess I need to learn to self-soothe better… But I’ve been thinking…
Maybe I’m really just a creepy spinster at heart. Maybe I just don’t know how to interact with people, how to love people according to their rules, or how to generally function outside of my own version of reality. Maybe the way that I love is just too weird to be accepted as real. But maybe I like it that way. Maybe I don’t want to live out there.
Maybe all I wanted was to invite somebody in, to keep my heart company. Maybe the real reason I feel this grey is because my chest has been left open waiting for someone to come inside, when I’d much rather stay cozy and keep the cold out.
I always feel so cold.